2 more days

After two panic attacks this morning, a really good cry in my husband's arms, and Paulo's girls showing up to clean my house (yes, my sweet husband gifts me with a house cleaning service 2 times a month as an anniversary gift every year- he figures he gets a less stressed wife and more dinners cooked at home if I don't have to wear myself out cleaning) - I think I am going to make it. But only with God's help. I don't doubt Him. I never doubt the end result. I just get caught up in the how's  and the when's . And I can't do that! The fear of what COULD happen gets in the way of the FAITH of what is happening.

So my bags are packed. One for me, one for humanitarian aid items. I grab a Greyhound out of Orlando on Friday morning and arrive in Miami around 5. Sounds easy enough.

I just have no idea where I am staying at this point. This is a HOW and a WHERE.

I determined this morning as my husband prayed over me that something BIG is going to happen while we are in Haiti. Satan is all around this trying to make us doubt, trying to get in the way, trying to get us to throw in the towel (out of country travel is hard stuff you know). So something BIG is going to happen.

And I am looking forward to it. And I am looking forward to finding out where I am staying....

One week from today, about now....

One week from today, about now I will be embarking on a journey to Haiti. 30 times in the last 24 hours I have said "I am not going", because something or other keeps coming up. And while I am not even handling everything well, somehow I think in my small little brain that I am going to hold everything together. I have evidence of this...

A week ago, I was supposed to be on a very relaxing trip to Los Angeles with my husband. All expenses paid, he had to work a few hours, and then it was just time to reconnect and relax. But the kids were all wired up, and my babysitter found out that she couldn't get off work after all, and it just seemed easier to stay home. Plus, my college girl was struggling and I didn't want to be even further away. Well, let's just say this : I should have gone. It was one of the most stressful weekends ever.

So that being said, here I am faced with an already paid for trip, nothing to do but show up (and that stupid packing I was fussing about yesterday) get on a plane and embark on a journey of a lifetime. Oh, and buy some protein bars and a bottle with a water filter in it....

And I can't let go of 'here'. It's not like I am even in control. It's not like I am even struggling to be in control. It's that I just feel like I need to be here. I don't want to be away from 'here'.

I wonder if I could just bring Haiti to me?

Satan or common sense? I can't decide.